I just received the most beautiful school schedule ever. I was assigned to the only section without 8:30am classes.

Contracts 1:30PM - 3:25PM Mo & 3:00PM - 4:25PM TuTh
Torts 3:30PM - 5:25PM MoWe
Civil Procedure 10:00AM - 11:55AM WeFr
Legal Method & Writing 1:30PM - 2:25PM WeFr
Dean's Session on Study & Practice of Law 10:30AM - 11:55AM TuTh

And you know what I'm going to do? I'm about to call the law school and say that I won't be enrolling this year. I have plane tickets to go and the most beautiful school schedule ever and yet I'm not going. I have to wait until next year. Life simply got in the way.

We made every attempt to take the emotions out of this decision by quantifying it. Like the engineers that we are, we made spreadsheets calculating the 5 year and 10 year economic impacts of law school depending on whether I go to Schools A through J. It makes more financial sense to give up a year of engineers salary and go now because I'll get a year of lawyer salary at the end of law school sooner. It also makes more sense financially to go to a state school like University of Washington or Arizona State University than it does to go to Georgetown or Seattle University...no surprise.

So why on Earth am I doing this? Well there is the matter of the Patent Bar which I want to take and which I will have no time to study for while in law school. Then there is the fact that I have an entire household worth of stuff that I have to figure out how to move and pay to move ($5k, at least). And despite my attempts at getting financial aid all I got were loans. Then there is the Army, sitting there like a dementor out of a Harry Potter book, sucking all of the happiness out of every plan we make for our future. I have no security. I grasp at rumors and try to make the best decisions that I can based on them, only to have orders changed and rumors swept away. We were planning on October. He was going to get me all settled at school, come home and move our things in September and then stay with his parents waiting for the orders. It is now looking like Hubby won't be deployed until the new year and I just can't deal with a long distance relationship leading up to a year long deployment combined with the stresses of moving and 1L all in one semester.

If he isn't going to leave until January or February or March, then I would rather have him leave, followed by me knowing where I'm going to school, moving over the summer with plenty of time and doing 1L fall with him still gone. After the completion of 1L first semester in January or February or March he would get back and then we could get on with our lives from there. The hardest part of law school would be over without him to distract me from school and with law school to distract me from worrying about him.

There aren't any really big BAD reasons that I should go this year. I bet that any schools that I got into this year I'll get into next year again. If I retake my LSAT I might even get into a few schools that I didn't get into this year. I'll have more savings to cushion the financial blow. I'll have my patent bar under my belt so I'll be more employable.

Why am I trying so hard to justify this to myself? Maybe it's in my personality to pursue everything. I never say "no." I'm always the first one to volunteer. Once I set my mind on something I want, I pursue it immediately whether it is changing apartments, buying a car, getting engaged, anything. I'm not one to delay gratification of a future goal either. I'm very futuristic. This is hard for me. I know the "pros" list was longer than the "cons" list, but I'll always worry that I'm giving up more than the most awesome schedule in the world. I know I want to go to law school. I'm not doing this because I am bored or couldn't "hack" engineering. I am genuinely interested for many reasons and have a long list of why this will help me with my future goals. I take the debt load seriously. I'm ready. But I'm going to wait. *sigh* I guess I should probably call them and make some other applicant on the waiting lists day. I'm penning law school in my schedule for 2008 and Army you can just be damned if you think you're delaying me again.