I won't post his name here because I don't want my family finding my blog under these circumstances.
This was my cousin. He was a West Point graduate serving with special forces in Iraq when he was killed on the 6th by an EFP. Last night, about 10 minutes before class my Mom called to tell me that my cousin had been killed on active duty. He was one of my closest cousins growing up and I have tons of West Virginia memories of us doing stupid things like floating along in inner tubes when the "crick" was flooded. I'm feeling like shit right now, not least because hubby is also in the Army and doesn't seem to see why this makes me so upset. I live in a military town in a military state in a BUSH country so it's not like I'm getting a lot of helpful comments. Instead, it's all, "Well, you know he was a hero." I know that he was a strong Christian and that he believed in what he was doing and loved it, and that should make me feel better, but I don't want to be told how I should feel, I just need to grieve a little and deal with personal family stuff.
He has requested burial in Arlington (DC) and depending on the family arrangements I might attend. I have never seen news footage of 9/11. On the day it happened I was at work and refused to turn on the TV when I got home. I didn't want to put myself through that emotionally. When reports come on Iraq that are at all personal I switch the channel. Not only did I have a cousin who was a Captain, I have a brother at West Point right now and a husband who joined ROTC in 2000 for the scholarship money, never imagining what the consequences of that would be. It's really hard to love the soldier and hate the war and not have everybody think you're a bad person in this country. Shouldn't everybody hate that we're at war, regardless of the reason for the war?
Me bursting into apparently random fits of tears isn't the best thing at my new job. I'm going to try not to think about this for awhile.